We're home

I have so much to write about our trip. I just wanted to let all of you meet our little man. Here he is with Dadda. This was within the first 10 minutes of meeting him. We had to change a major poop! Welcome to parenthood....Again!

A collection from some of Aaron and Bethany's emails the past two days: Hey! We met him!! He's wonderful and beautiful! He is even more beautiful than he was in his pictures! Please pray for us as we're debating formula. Almaz recommends one kind and we planned a different. He's got a pretty painful diaper rash, so we're hoping to help that heal quickly. Otherwise, besides a mild cough on occasion, he's doing great! He seems to be attaching very well, and we are very in love! His first word was Dadda and he knows if he says dadda that dadda will come! He loves to give five and snuggle. He is also a screamer... You will know when he is really upset when he stops crying and does a pitiful tiny baby cry. It is so cute. He also kicks his little legs like no body's business.

Made it Safely!

Just heard from Bethany and Aaron that they have safely arrived in Ethiopia! One surprise blessing came before the flight even took off as they talked to an Ethiopian man who was boarding the same flight. He explained that Liam's Ethiopian name means Will (God's Will). They were greatly encouraged that God had so clearly chosen such a fitting name. This encouragement was needed for the last leg of the trip as Bethany felt pretty intense motion sickness, but they are excited to be such a short distance and only hours away from meeting the new little guy. By this evening (our time) they will be able to hold him in their arms for the first time!

Blessings at the Airport

Just a quick update and praise: two of Bethany and Aaron's suitcases were overweight (one was balancing between 50 and slightly heavier and one was significantly overweight) when they arrived at the airport; however, when they told the attendant where they were going and why she graciously waived the fees :) As of noon today they are on their way!!

Leaving on a Jet Plane

It is finally here! It's my turn. We started this journey 16mo. ago and I feel like we are just beginning! I am sad to leave Wesley but I am so excited for all of us to start the next chapter of our lives becoming a family of 4. Please pray for peace for Aaron and I as we say goodbye to Wesley. Pray that God comforts Wesley's heart. Pray for fun and a good bonding for Wesley and my Mom. I want this to be a fond memory for them too. Pray for my sister as she helps with watching Wesley. Pray for Aaron and I as we meet our Liam. Pray for a connection and a bond for Liam and us.

Thanks for all of your love and support. Grace (my sister) should be keeping up with our blog while we are gone.

Peace out!

Bethany

Weird choice of picture I know. For someone who is leaving in 3 DAYS! Yeah clowns are supposed to be happy yet this clown is sad. Well that is how I feel right now. I am so excited and happy yet so sad to leave Wesley. I was doing okay until this morning when I dropped him off at pre-school. He is normally very happy to be there. Not this morning. He just looked at me with those big blue eyes, and whispered "mommy don't leave me." The sympathetic Pre-school teacher took him from my arms as I quickly turned to hide the tears that were literally flowing out of my eyes. The dam has been breached! Please pray for this sad clown.

happy Birthday Liam!

I want to wish our sweet little man happy 6 month birthday! So in true blog fashion I will right 6 things we already know and love about our little "chopper" (Wesley's pick for baby brother's name).

1.) I love your big eyes, chubby cheeks and pouty lips. You and your older brother look like you are permanently storing cheerios in those cheekies.

2.)I love the Afro you are already sporting. Let's keep it growing!

3.) I love your smile. It makes your big eyes light up and those chubby cheeks get even rounder!

4.) I love that you are an observer. I love that you are watching everyone and taking it all in.

5.) I love that you keep everyone entertained with your baby noises. They say you coo all the time!

6.) I love all 17 1/2 pounds of you. I can't wait to hold you "chopper" my little love bug!

Remember this picture?

Last time it was used to announce the referral of our sweet baby boy.

This time it is to announce that we are going to go and get that sweet baby boy!

What if

So I should be napping. But instead here I sit because everytime I lay my "exhausted" head down I begin to play a little game with myself. It's called the WHAT IF game and it totally SUCKS! What if we passed and they are trying to figure out embassy appointments What if we didn't pass and they are trying to find out our rescheduled dates What if he is home by Christmas What if he isn't What if our rescheduled dates leave us traveling in 3 months What if we travel in 3 weeks What if I get a phone call with good news What if I get an e-mail with bad news. What if I break down and call Christy What if they know something and they are just waiting to tell me What if they don't know yet What if they do What if I never sleep again What if I get to travel with 2 other families that we have gotten so close to What if I travel with 19 strangers What if I pass and no one else did What if I don't pass and everyone else did What if I pack my suit case What if I don't What if I travel and I can't get my second round of Hep. shots or yellow fever What if I just don't get them and we land in Uganda and they won't let me in the country What if I have a horrible reaction to the yellow fever shot What if I have plenty of time to get shots because we aren't traveling for 2 more months What if I get called today What if I don't This is just a little sample. I wouldn't want to bore you with my insanity. I do want to follow this whole mad rambling with a verse. Maybe it's hypocritical but I believe God asks us to continually cast our cares on him and he also tells us we must take up our cross daily. So please know that when I tell you the verse I am trying my best to live it out.

Psalm 40:1-3

I waited patiently for the Lord, he inclined and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire, he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.

I just have to point out that although David is waiting patiently he is still crying out! So I can patiently wait for God and still cry out for give me a new song. Until then I will do like the praise song states and ask "How long to sing this song."

Going to Mexico

So in my current state of psychosis...I have not been sleeping. I don't mean at all I mean laying awake until 2:30ish forcing my eyes shut trying so hard to make myself sleep. Well at some point I fall asleep and awaken again wondering if I ever fell asleep, I look at the clock and sure enough a good 45 minutes will have gone by...Then I start it all over again. So in order to help myself relax, I have been trying to go to a "happy place." Well my current happy place of choice is the trip my Mom, older sister and I took last year (here is where the photo comes in:). We went to Puerto Vuellarta. It was amazing! While on that trip my mom and I would do Yoga on a Pier over looking the ocean! You can imagine how peaceful and beautiful it was. So I find myself trying so hard to go back there (mentally) every night. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

I wish I had some encouragement or news to share but at this point I really don't. I am staying glued to my bible as it really is the only sort of comfort I get, but fighting off my anxiety over the unknown is really getting to me and is a daily (excuse me I mean nightly) battle. A battle that it feels like I am losing. I know it won't be long, but waiting is hard and this kind of waiting finally feels like more than I can bear.

Picture tag

I got tagged. I am supposed to find the fourth picture in the fourth file and explain it... I am on Aaron's laptop so I, like Leanne, just picked the fourth picture since there wasn't four files to chose from... Here is the explanation. That is me and my college roommate. That is her little girl Allie who is stinkin adorable!!! We were visiting our college town this summer and got to catch up with old friends. We had lots of fun! I am tagging: Shannon, Kami, Michelle R., Rachel Thought for the day: Patients is actually faith in God's timing!

That's me! NO I haven't turned into a goldfish. I feel like crawling under a rock and hiding. Not only hiding until after courts but hiding until we get our travel dates. Please pray everyone! Our dates are this Friday Nov. 14!!! There is a very very very (did I say very yet?) Very small chance we could pass the first time through. Well it would actually be a miracle to pass the first time through. But that is what I am praying for! I want this process to all happen in God's timing I just also want my heart to be willing to wait. Please Pray 1. That we pass. #2 that if it isn't time yet that God would sustain my heart until it is time!

Thanks

Bethany

Glowing

My most recent posts have been me sharing the truths that I have learned in order to help me not only wait through this process but wait "well."I can't tell you how many times I would log on to read my own post in order to re-remind myself the very truths that I posted. So often my head knows it but my heart takes a lot of reminding. After reading the beautiful story of one family who recently walked the road I so desperately want to walk. I broke down. Not in a hopeless desperate way but in a way that was acknowledging to God that I am getting ready for my turn. See the issue is I haven't let myself get excited. I haven't let myself grow in anticipation and "imagine" what it will be like to have him home. I have been guarding my heart to closely. Well recently I began to realize that waiting well doesn't have anything to do with shutting off all emotion. Sure I haven't been hurting but I have not been excited either. Well God recently began to convict my heart that I need to let myself be excited too. Part of trusting God to help me wait is trusting him that he will be there to pick up the pieces if I get disappointed. I don't know how to do this waiting thing. It has been such a calming learning experience for me. I was looking up scripture last night to help me with this time of waiting and what it means to wait the way that God designed. I found this scripture Romans 8:22-27. God answered my questions on whether or not it was appropriate for me to be getting excited.

I wanted to write all of this because I wanted to officially announce that I am going to let myself glow. I am ready to get excited about bringing home my baby boy.

Please be praying for us as we believe our court date is sometime next week. Please pray that God would work in a mighty way, and that we could pass and bring Liam home.

Thanks

Bethany

Waiting

The unfolding of God’s plan for creation and his kingdom has been and still is full of waiting. In fact God seems to want it that way – he wants us to reap the benefits that come from waiting. God knows that waiting, waiting on Him, can draw us closer to him and can help us rely on him in new ways. Maintaining our hope in God’s promises, while we wait, can build our character, if we let it.

Isaiah 40:31 promises, “Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

So, we will actually be better, stronger, more alive people when our waiting time is focused on our hope in God. Romans 5:2-6 further encourages us to see that our waiting in hope brings glory to God. (read passage) You see, waiting is not just what we do until God puts his plan into motion, our waiting is an integral part of God’s superior plan. It is a method for growing us into the people he wants us to be – full of hope, perseverance and character.

This is an excerpt taken from a devotional that a friend read at my baby shower a few weeks ago. AMAZING TRUTH!!!

Dedicated to my Mother in law

I am dedicating this post to my Mother in Law. She is an amazing woman of God. My father in law is on a 4 month deployment and she is really missing her man. In the midst of her missing him she is always comforted by scripture and continues to turn her eyes to Christ rather than her lonely circumstances. I hope that even though I am posting something new you will still read the scripture I posted. Right now I am clinging to God's promises. It is literally the only guarantee that I have right now. Believe me I need some guarantees. So I am using this post to update you on the process and where my heart is in the midst of all of this. It was on a Monday almost 3 weeks ago. I had really struggled all that weekend. and I mean really struggled. Like I didn't want to get out of bed struggled. So it was Monday afternoon and I found myself lying face down on the floor in a time of quiet, intimate prayer. (Don't worry Wes was at nap.) I was so broken. I recognize that our wait has been and at that point had been nothing compared to the broad scope of adoption and how long you can actually wait. But waiting is not my gift. I am very much the type that has made a decision and I act on it. Let's paint the living room...I grab a can of paint and paint the living room..Aaron comes home from work in complete shock that his living room is now "Paris Grey," and no longer white. So as you can see it is not that I am impulsive. I think very thoroughly about my decisions but boy once I have decided you better watch out! I digress (I love that word). So I was praying and I want to share how my prayer went. It is very intimate and personal and yes I am writing what I feel like God spoke to me during this prayer. This prayer explains why I feel the way I do now.

"God Please move in a mighty way so that we can pass through courts the first time. Please Lord bring our boy home by Christmas. I can't wait any more. I have fasted, I have consumed my thoughts with my son and traveling."

God: Did you fast because you want this in my timing or did you fast because you want this in your time?

"I really want this in my time...I am to scared to wait for you."

God: If you were 6 mo. pregnant and your doctor came to you and said "we can take the baby out now...but he will have all sorts of problems. Or we can wait until you are term and things will go much more smoothly." What would you pick?

"I would pick to wait."

God: What if I told you that you could be granted this to happen in your time but there would be so many complications for everyone involved, Including Liam and Wesley. But if you wait for my perfect time things will go with my blessing. What would you pick?

"I would pick to wait."

There is more but it gets to intimate and personal. Anyways because of that prayer time I have relinquished every expectation, every thought, hope, desire. I actually feel a little numb. It's like God gave my heart and my mind a shot of Novocaine. It is a good place to be. I fought it at first because I wanted to feel the longing, and agony of missing him, but now I realize that it is to long of a wait to put my heart through all of that for that long. I need to be the mom that God created me to be to the little boy he has in trusted me with first. He needs me. Liam is happy and very well cared for. He doesn't "need" me right now the way that Wesley does. Please don't miss hear me. I want to bring him home and I am excited for that day but I don't want it a moment sooner than God intended.

So there is my heart

Now on to the process. I am sure some of you have already read on other blogs and a few of you I have told over the phone but there is another delay in the process. First there is a back log of families needing to make it through court. So the courts are really really full. Then we found out that people were not making it through courts the first time around. So we were looking at a definite 3-5 months to bring him home. Forget Christmas we were hoping for January. Well we found out on Tuesday that there is a new piece of paperwork that must be included in the stack of documents the court reviews. If you want more details on it all click on the link to Melissa's blog she explains it beautifully. I had to have Christy explain it 3 or 4 times then we finally had to have a faux scenario in order for my non auditory processing brain to get it all. Well I understand it a little better. So basically when the courts open up our file on our court date they will not see that added document we need and we are almost guaranteed we will have to have a rescheduled date at a much later time.

How does this fit into the peace that God has granted my heart? Well my first reaction was to think about and pray for the 2 families that I know of that have waited since June for theirbabies. They didn't pass courts the first time around and are now looking at an even greater delay. My heart hurts for them. Then it hit me that this was going to affect us to. God is doing something. That is all I know. God is doing something. He is over the courts in Ethiopia and he has supernatural power in this whole thing to do whatever according to his will he wants to do. I am choosing to trust that God is doing something to benefit those who love him and that includes all of our babies. He wants the best for them too!

I am praying that God in his timing would bring Liam home. It is still my prayer that whenever our court date is that God would grant us the ability to pass the first time with or without the document. This is my prayer for all of my waiting friends. I just have to keep reminding myself that even when it hurts God is good!

Lots of love and prayers are going out to all of you who received this news...I don't know what it means and I don't know how this will change all of our processes but please remember that I am praying for you. Remember to that one day when our little ones are at home and sitting in our laps this will be one beautiful peace to their amazing story of how they became ours...

"and Mary treasured all these things in her heart." Luke 2

Pressing on

Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus!

Philippians 3:13-14

Being still

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Phillippians 4:6-7

I have no other words to describe what is going on right now.

My Wife the Trooper

Aaron here. You know, the silent one that doesn't write anything. I feel the need this morning to give a shout-out to my wife! She's a trooper! She's been dreading the day that she would have to get shots for our travels. That day came...this morning! 4 shots! I'm pretty sure that I would have been dreading that visit also. I whine when I have to get 1! She doesn't hesitate to do something when it comes to her babies though! She is amazing! Not just for what she did today, but for what she does every day, consistently...that's being the perfect wife for me and the absolute best mom for the little guy! I admire her ability to hold tight to her convictions, which means consistency in raising our boy, every day, 24/7, and her ability to graciously love me through my weaknesses every day...pretty much 24/7! I love her! It will be a great day when we get to bring our baby home! I will be excited, but I think she will feel better when her baby is home and she can rest a bit!

Being Tagged

So I feel super special that I have been tagged. I really do. Unfortunately for my sweet friends who tagged me I have no idea how in the world to do it. Seriously I don't know how to get the tag on here or the names to be connected to blogs or anything.... I know it is probably cheating or something and there are many of you out there that I want more than anything to include in this game...but alas you must settle with 7 random things about me, and you will be left to always wonder if you were one of the 7.... 1. One of my feet is almost a half size bigger than the other foot. It isn't noticeable but sometimes my shoes fit different. 2. I am ticklish on my neck. Right side only. I actually sleep with the collar of my shirt pulled off of my shoulder because it bothers/tickles me that much... 3. If I stay up until 11:00 I have to eat another meal. It can be a sandwich or a t.v. dinner or something quick. But I have to (I mean get to) eat almost the same amount that I did at dinner. YUMMY! 4. I just made my first batch of cookies on Tuesday night...They were amazing! The recipe calls for a box of pudding...seriously let me know if you want the recipe. I think I have made it this far without ever baking cookies because Aaron and I really don't have much of a sweet tooth. Wes on the other hand was grown in utero solely off of pancakes and donuts (55 lbs. worth Heck Ya!) So needless to say he has a sweet tooth. Funny thing after we baked them he said "why did you put the cookies in the oven?" That tells you right there it was to long before the child had home made cookies. 5. I love Sour straws! I don't like candy but man I love sour straws (my mouth is salivating right now). 6. I think it is Hilarious when people drool while laughing. You know the people, they get laughing so hard with their mouth open that drool dribbles out. HILARIOUS!!!! 7. I love water...I love the beach, Ocean, the lake, a swimming pool, a bath. I even love a glass of water. I love it love it love it! I seriously think I will be a fish when I grow up! Well sorry everyone that I have no clue how to put names at the bottom...Hopefully enough people are being tagged by everyone else that I don't need to worry about it:)

God's little lovie....

So I don't know how many of you have seen the "lovie" blanket? Is it a blanket is it a bear??? It's a lovie!

I tell you all of this because after much sulking and struggling fri. and yesterday by last night I was beginning to feel focused and encouraged again. It is probably not a good sign that every time I hear something from AGCI I feel discouraged....I think it might be my inability to accept reality. Every time I talk to them I am brought back to how realistically long this is going to take. Well I am quite happy living here in my own world where things may go quicker than they think! I keep thinking of a children's song we used to sing in vacation bible school..."My God is so BIG, so STRONG and SO MIGHTY there is nothing my GOD CANNOT DO!!!!!! Hey I believed it 100% percent when I was a child and I need to remind the "adult"(I use that term loosely) me how true those words are!

What in the world does this have to do with a lovie? Well all of this had sunk in last night. I was feeling humbled by my 48 hours of weakness. I was right back on track with remembering who God is...Remember whose adoption this was in the first place...and today right before e-mailing you this very special message of encouragement when God sent me my lovie (I have to add he sent it in a moment when I LEAST desserved it, but most needed it! NOW that is Grace based parenting!!).

Sorry I forgot before I can tell you what I want to tell you I have to mention that our homestudy agent is in Ethiopia right now. My surprise is that she got to meet our son!!!!

Here is the lovie God sent me in the form of her words about our sweet boy....

"I met him.....he is beautiful. full of smiles, adored by his special mother. has a little cough right now, but still happy and smiling....i have two pics i'll send when i get home:)"

Thanks for your continued prayers...I am still praying and I still have peace that we will see him before Christmas. Yes this will be a miracle...but "there is nothing my GOD CANNOT DO!"

Pure sadness

I don't know who even reads my blog any more...There is no exciting # chasing, no thoughts or anticipation of how to survive until I saw our sweet boys face. No, No things are much different now. I have crossed over into the dark side (Now there is serious drama (LOL). No really things are so much different now. Before my anxiety was over who are baby was. The age the gender the face. Now I have my precious boys face on paper (that I carry around everywhere). Yes this is exciting you might think...So why did I refer to it as the dark side? Well because I carry my son around on a piece of paper. That is all I have. That is actually all I will have for many more months. When we first signed our Application papers, 14 months ago we hesitated because we specifically did not want to have to wait through the unknown for courts. You can ask anyone who knows me how much I did not want to know my son's face and have to wait long to get him. The numbers game was easier for me (full of anxiety of course) but anxiety I can handle. What I experience now is just sadness. I can look at our sweet son's face all I want but it tells me nothing. We know nothing of his personality. He is 4 months I don't know what makes him smile. I don't know how he likes to be held. I don't know where his little tummy is ticklish. I don't know how he smells. I don't know how he feels in my arms. Every holiday that is approaching I see us missing out on it...It is almost worse knowing that it is his "first" holiday seasons. I prayed and fasted yesterday and I know your supposed to do it in secret and I did. No one knew I was doing it. It was my first time (I was a virgin faster...Can I say that?) Well I don't think I did it right. I didn't eat anything for 24 hours. I just drank water. I spent time in prayer during Wesley's nap but other than that I didn't have time to. Plus it was easier being hungry on the move than it was sitting still, listening to the old stomach growling. Well I say I don't think I did it right because all I did was starve myself. I really didn't feel anymore focused on prayer, If anything all I could think about was food, and the only prayers I uttered where "Oh God I am sooo hungry." When I sat down and started to eat dinner I got our update call from AGCI. It was during this call that I found out that so many families are needing to make it through court 35 in AGCI alone. Things are really slowing down. It could be a long time before we make it through... Yes I heard all of this information while still very hungry. I wish I were super awesome and could tell you that it didn't phase me and that I was able to recognize Satan's attempt to discourage me but I didn't. I just felt sad and bitter. I am so discouraged right now. Yes I have only officially waited for him for almost 1 mo. but We have been in this program for 14 months. I had my ups and downs but they were nothing compared to what I am feeling right now. It could be 1 month that I have waited but it feels so long and I knew this part would be hard for me to handle. In the beginning I prayed that God would have mercy on my heart. I prayed that we would not have to wait long to pick him up. 2-3 months is what we thought. I prayed that God would deliver him soon. I just have to trust that God has heard the Cries of my heart. He knows my request and now I just have to wait for the peace of God which transcends my understanding to guard my heart and my mind until the day when we hold our son! I know there are people out there who read my blog and don't post anything...So please please pray for us and the other families who want so badly to go and get our babies. Please Pray that God's hand of mercy and Grace would be over us and this process. Pray that God works quickly and in a mighty way. Thanks

A referral of a baby girl

Congratulations Amy and Jason on becoming parents of 3. I hope that your wait to hold her is short!!! I pray that courts move quickly and that you can bring her home soon.

Big Brother

Please scroll down and check out my sisters amazing handy work pictured in my previous posts...

So I wanted to dedicate this blog post to someone who I feel like can easily be forgotten about in this whole process. I mean I know how I have dealt with it all, and I know how Aaron has dealt with...never mind I am a little cloudy on that guy...I will post about him later, maybe in a few years when he shares what his emotions were like during this time (that's okay). I want to post about someone who is ultimately going to have a huge role in our new babies life. That is the big brother! Ha I am tearing up already. It is because I am thinking back on how Wesley has handled all of this. I am also thinking about how Wesley will be lucky to be a big brother to our second son but also how lucky our second son will be to have a brother like Wesley!

When Aaron and I first started this adoption there was a lot of doubts I had in my mind. I just couldn't picture it being real. All I could see was paper work and money...Sorry it sounds materialistic but the journey we were about to imbark on didn't make sense AT ALL. We just knew God had said go...Well there was one day that I was holding our contracts in my hands and thinking 'we will never have the $9,000 to move on to the next phase.' I was really beginning to question what we were doing and why we were doing it. I was sitting on the couch crying and feeling overwhelmed. I was on the phone with someone complaining that I just needed God to write on my wall and tell me that we were doing what he asked. As I am saying this Wesley comes walking up to me with the AGCI folder (the one with the picture of a baby on it). We had it sitting on the kitchen table. Anyway he comes walking up to me holding this folder and he said "bring baby home." I kid you not. I seriously about fell over as if God had spoke to me himself.

Another time we were at the grocery store and Wesley was hanging out by one of those end aisle entisers. Ughhh the ones they set up at the end of almost every aisle to try and get your child completely focused on this random toy they in no way really want but because they have been staring at aisle after aisle of food when you get to these end aisle entisers they go nuts. Anyways he was very focused and he would pull a package off the shelf and look at it, flip it over to the back "read" it then flip it over to the front again say no and put it back, then he would get another one down and start the whole process over again. WELL...I was getting impatient and wanted him to come get back into the cart. I finallly said Wesley now! He looked up at me as if I had just morphed down from Mars and said "Mom I am trying to find a toy for brother (this was before we knew he was getting a brother). My heart totally melted. I have to tell you that the toy he ended up deciding on after much deliberation was one with 3 African animals. I was amazed!

After Aaron and I got off the phone with Christy (after finding out about our son) Aaron and I just stared at each other in complete shock. Both of us with these goofy looks on our face. We then Cheered QUITE loudly and I ran and jumped in his arms and gave him a HUGE hug. After the fog began to lift we looked down to see this sweet little boy morphe suddenly into a big brother. He was still strapped into his booster chair, and was clapping and throwing his fists in the air. Smiling, cheering and giggling. I can't describe to you how beautiful it was. Mainly because I knew he had no idea what had just happened but also because he knew based on our reaction that there was a huge reason to celebrate and he was going to be in on it! Well we picked him up and jumped up and down the three of us, celebrating our soon to be family of four.

When we were done celebrating we put Wesley down and started calling relatives. He ran around the house super excited. He kept running over to the window and then he would run around the house and then run over to the window. When I asked what he was doing he said, "checking if brother is here." I told him about how we would have to wait until it got really cold outside, we would have Thanksgiving and then Christmas and then brother would be here. Wesley got very sad his eyes welled up with tears and his little lip came out and he said he didn't want to wait anymore for brother. It was then that I realized how for an adult this has been hard but it has also been hard for my precious little 3 year old. Now he does have the advantage of being able to be distracted but he has waited for 1/3 of his life to have brother here. I had thought when he was so excited it was because he found out he was getting a brother not that he already knew about a brother and thought he was coming home.

"Wesley you have waited a long time and I am so proud of you. You are going to be the best big brother and Daddy and I have no doubt that you love baby brother already. You have been so patient and trusting. You have never given up hope and you were the first one in our family to start praying for your younger sibling. Even though you are just three you are an amazing little person and WE love you."

Oh when Wesley was asked what we should name baby brother he insists that his name is chopper. If we refer to him by his real name Wesley is very quick to inform us that HIS baby brother's name is CHOPPER....

Well here the big brother is in all his glory! Did I say big brother? I meant Bat Brother...

The blankets she has made

The first picture is a blanket with fleece on one side and cotton solid on the back. It has a silky trim. THe second picture is a print on the front with solid on the back no silky trim but the stitching makes it look very quiltish.

I really meant for this post to show up second. So please read the post right before it!

How we are and my sister's Business

First of all, many of you may be wondering how things are going for us now that we know who our son is. Well it is going quite well actually. We look at his precious face all the time. We have finally picked a name. We absolutely Love it! It really fits our little man. The only sad part of it all is that Wesley has now come to think that his baby brother is a picture and not an actual baby. I was sorting through adoption papers getting things ready to mail to Christy. In the papers was a print out of 3 of the babies pictures. Wesley was watching me and when he saw the paper with pictures on it being shuffled around with the papers I was going to mail, he got very distressed and said to me in a very anxious pleeding voice..."Don't mail my baby brother." It was funny and a little heart breaking. I reassured Wesley that these were merely pictures, that we weren't mailing the pictures or his baby brother...Oh and Wesley when asked what we should name his brother thought about it for quite some time and then came to us very seriously and said we should name him 'chopper.' So we call him chopper for a cute little nickname.... My sister is starting a little business. She can sew some pretty amazing stuff! Crib sheet, Toddler bed fitted and top sheet, bags, blankets, pillow cases, and even American girl doll clothes! She said you can pick out your own material or tell her what you want, and then she can customize any of these items. With Christmas coming up there are some really cute Ideas... So as promised I am putting up some samples of things my sister has sewn for me. Please check them out and then check out her blog and let her know you are interested... http://www.sweetteamom.blogspot.com/ THANKS Toddler bed sheet with fitted sheet. The fitted sheet also fits a crib mattress. Here is a picture of a bag My sister Made Wesley

This is a picture of the pocket on the inside.

Our phone call

So up until Monday I hadn't jumped at the phone ringing, or carried my cell phone with me. I just basically moped around the house knowing it was going to be the longest month ever!

Well when Autumn got her little son on Monday (woohooo) I got really excited. Then Tuesday came and Kami got her referral being at #2... All Wednesday I was totally freaking out. Then being a person of immediate gratification, when Wed. came and went and I didn't hear anything I thought "you know Bethany you have got to be patient...it could be October." Well Thursday morning Aaron and I had this amazing walk and during this walk we talked and prayed and really poured out our heart about where we were as individuals waiting for our little one. It was awesome. Then I had some powerful prayer time and was now at a place of peace. (HeHeHe).

Well I do have to tell you I wasn't at a place where I stopped jumping at the phone when it rang!

Thursday

So we were all sitting down to dinner and the phone rang. Aaron picked it up and just looked at it. It rang again...

Me: "Aaron are you going to answer it."

Aaron: "NO I don't recognize the number and it could be a political call or another survey."

Me: "What is the number on the phone?"

At this point the phone has rang twice. Aaron slowly turns the phone to me so that I can see the caller i.d. I recognized the AGCI caller code.

Me (literally lunging at the phone): "give me the phone"

Aaron and Wes blinking somewhat fearfully and looking at me like I had gone totally nuts (which I had).

Me (answering the phone): "Hello"

Christy: "Hey Bethany it's Christy"

Me: "Yeah" (excitement mounting)(I didn't mean to be rude...but I was so excited)

Christy: "I just wanted to touch base with you about the question you had with the international pediatrician."

Me (super intensely excited): "Yeah" (I am thinking if this is seriously what she called for instead of e-mailing me I would crawl through the phone wires and well it wouldn't be pretty....

Christy: "I am glad that question got answered because I wanted to let you know that we have the referral of a child for you."

Me (half sobbing, half laughing): "I was hoping you were going to say that."

Christy: "I have to tell you that this is a pre referral ....blah blah blah.....

At this point I am seriously not being rude when I write blah blah blah, I am just telling you that when you hear "WE HAVE A REFERRAL" Your brain is processing that you are about to hear about your baby...and I had just swallowed this huge bite of spaghetti right before she called and it was now beginning to feel like my spaghetti was going to make a re appearance. Oh and I forgot to mention at this point I had her on speaker phone and so I knew that if I got up and at least ralphed into the garbage can in the kitchen she would still totally hear it. Who pukes when they get their referral?

Well I got control and kept in my food (which is good because that bite was all I ate for the rest of the night.)

Christy:"are you ready for me to tell you?"

Me: "Yes"

Christy: "I have here a precious baby BOY his name is (M)"

Me: "Aaron and I both Screamed"

Christy (giggling): His birthday is May 22

Me: "Of this Year?"

Christy (giggling): "Yes"

Well we got his information and then we called our parents. We then had two very trusted friends come over so that we could see his pictures and they could take a picture of our reaction.

AWESOME IDEA! Well worth the 30 minute wait.

Well we are totally in love with this baby boy. Wesley has chubby cheeks and big eyes and so I prayed for (M) to have chubby cheeks and big eyes and he does! Uhhh I love it!

Please pray we travel by Christmas!

Our Baby Boy!!!!

Yesterday at 5:30 we got news of our precious baby boy. He is absolutely beautiful! Big eyes and chubby cheeks! I will write more later but we are going out to celebrate!

Tension

Need I say More?

A shout out to Autumn and Brian

So I decided to give a shout out in this next post to a couple who just received their REFERRAL! He is a very sweet and precious baby boy. Brian and Autumn are their names and Autumn had to go through some wicked labor pains in order to get this little boy. It was a big and agonizing roller coaster with few ups and a few steep plummits. Oh the exciting world of adoption. So I just wanted to write them a Huge CONGRATULATIONS! Update: So I hopped on one more time before bed and I wanted to let you all know I have extended this shout out to the Meade family...Who as of 1:48 became parents for the 3rd time. Congrats on your referral of a baby girl! Yeah

I am so excited for my 2 friends!

So I have been super emotional this last week and a half. One big reason is that I suddenly stopped taking my birth control because it was making me violently ill. Let's just say I was afraid to be far from a bathroom. (My own bathroom to be exact). So I just stopped. I was only using it for a second form of protection and some extra peace of mind. (Sorry Aaron I am just laying our personal life out there)... (The good thing is you probably won't read this for another week:). So back to my super emotions. I am really anxious and often quite sad! ...Oh wait Aaron just walked in the door, maybe it won't be a week before he reads this. I am really struggling with waiting. I also have to say now I completely understand the true depths of waiting and it totally SUCKS!!! My thoughts to our baby I want to know if you are a boy or a girl...I want to know if you are a tiny baby or a tiny toddler...I already love you so much and I know nothing about you...I want an image of you I can wrap my brain around... Uhh this waiting makes me feel like I could suddenly explode. You know like when you give a frog Soda and throw it against a barn wall... (I never did this but I have a cousin who lived on a farm and this was a big source of entertainment.)

The Moby Wrap and getting excited

So here they are the long anticipated pictures of us trying out our moby wrap on Wes. I have to tell you that unlike most little boys his age He was completely delighted to be our guinea pig. When I took him out of it he said "Yeah I was born." I guess that proves just how magically "bonding" this wrap really is. So as you can see this is the picture of me with Wes. He super happy! I am only stretching my neck so that I can see over his head. The weight of him may be well distributed but that does not take away from how ridiculous we look :) I think for his size I should put him on my back. Or maybe this is more proof that my Chiropractor is right and I should stop carrying him. Hey he is my baby :)

Here is Aaron he thinks the Moby wrap is cool. More Masculine than some of my other wraps but he felt the need to flex just in case it gave off the wrong impression. Wesley is in the midst of getting ready to flex also :)

Yes this is Wesley wearing his Snuggy in the Moby wrap. How precious is this!!!

Everyone I don't know if it is the wrap I love so much or the fact that our baby will be carried in it! But it has been a huge part of making this feel more real! I needed that. I am getting sooo Excited!!!

Our new #'s and a glimpse of hope

So we got our new numbers. I was surprised by one of them. It was a good surprise very needed at this point in time. Before I go into the numbers thing I wanted to talk about a few things. Numbers and traveling. It is enough waiting to make a person go mad! You often wonder if God is working on patience and then you remember that no one absolutely no one has the sanity to be 100% patient during this time and quite frankly I don't think God is expecting it. I do know he says to not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and supplication cast my cares on him and his peace which transcend all understanding will guard my heart (Philippians 4:6-7???) Please feel free to correct my reference. Okay so the giving God my anxiety is the part I could work on. I have noticed that as of lately I have been just kind of shoving it down into literally only God knows where. It is a good temporary fix but unfortunately with this solution it will resurface in the most unfortunate places and times. Dreams are a big one for me. My anxiety shows up in my dreams. Weird stuff! It is hard to struggle with this numbers and waiting game. I have noticed that I want so badly to be content with where we are in the process. Then I get a phone call like the one today and I feel this rush of excitement. Then I feel like I am back where I started. Was the phone call encouragement from God or a distraction from me working through discontentment? This my friends we may never never know....

I do know that as of this point we are looking at a good possibility of a referral in Octoberish and traveling in Jan. It is a bummer but if we all count on that together then maybe we will make it through. Please please pray for me. I just remember last Christmas was hard and we were only 5 months into the process. This Christmas will be really sad if we are waiting to pick the little one up. It will mean there is a good chance we are missing out on their first Christmas. Which means one more first we won't have:(

Okay I just bummed myself out again. Now for the good news. Here are our new numbers!

On the boys list!

On the Girls List

Giggles

Soo here is another post for your enjoyment. Again it has absolutely nothing to do with adoption but I seriously must do this to not only keep my sanity but to keep my other fellow bloggers alive. Our life force is something to read... Okay anywayssss Last night George (oh forget it Wesley) Wesley was having a hard time falling asleep. There was a whole party going on in his room with just him. (Party for 1?). Well I went in there about every 15 min. to keep the noise down and the talking to a minimum, seriously what can a 3 year old talk to himself about for an hour and fifteen LONG minutes. So the last time I went in this is our conversation... Me: Wesley are you being naughty in here Wesley: No I am being nice Me: You are...Well nice boys obey their mommies and they are quiet and go to sleep. Wesley: What do naughty boys do? Me: They disobey and then have to have consequences Wesley: I am thinking about that one.... I also have to tell you that he started pre-school last week. Oh my sweet boy! So he started pre-school and he cries every time I leave him. Which makes it very hard on me. Anyway...today he sat down next to me on the couch and he said "Ask me how school was." I kind of giggled and said "How was school?" He said "Doing well." There it is. I know it doesn't move anyone further down a list but hopefully it brightened your day and gave you a laugh.

Zebras

So my title has absolutely nothing to do with my post. It's just what popped into my head. So I realized something yesterday...I want something to be going on. I am a city girl and I love the fast pace of city life. (For those of you who don't know Aaron's job has brought us to a (wonderful) small town in northern Missouri.) All summer we have traveled so much. I loved it! Lately we have been in town for at least 4 weeks in a row and I am starting to feel a little stir crazy. Well to be totally honest and you may think I'm crazy I have been having anxiety. At first I could not figure out what it was. Then I realized...Life has slowed down, the courts are closed in Ethiopia, chats on the list serve have slowed WAY DOWN, People rarely update their blogs....We are not getting out of town anytime soon....I feel just a little claustrophobic! Here is what I know: I know everything is all in God's timing! I know that things will pick up again come October I know we have already made it through almost a full month of the court closure. I know I need to enjoy this time with George and Aaron while it is just the three of us. I know I can use this time to get ready (I refuse to get shots until I have that little one's image in my head). With all of that said I appreciate everyone who reads and responds to my posts, your messages are truly an encouragement and "something" to do during this time of waiting. Thanks to all of my friends and family for your encouraging phone calls and support. I know I am going to look back on this and laugh at myself. I know I will think what was I in such a hurry for? Okay well I already feel a lot better, I do still wish there was movement somewhere from someone... and if not movement in the adoption world maybe we could have some movement on the home front. A little traveling would be nice. Speaking of traveling (totally knew subject). Aaron and I have decided we should get away for the weekend just the two of us. Are their any suggestions on how we can do this have a wonderful time but stay on a budget? Also this would be our first time away from curious. (We are treating this as a trial run for traveling to Ethiopia.)

Names

Well I want to update you on an unofficial #6 for the girls list. Apparently there were two infant girls who were matched with families. So we get to move from 8-6. I feel like AAron and I are pregnant and we are having that discussion of which gender we would like to have A BOY or A GIRL. Obviously we are ecstatic to have either one but it is still fun to wonder. As of right now My heart is leaning towards a girl and Aaron's towards a boy. I wanted a girl when I was pregnant with George and I couldn't be happier with my precious, awesome, totally cool little boy. Soo we are leaving it up to God's perfect plan. Funny thing is we are really left guessing since we are #6 on Boys and #6 on Girls.... Soooo anyways, We have been talking a lot about names and Well by "we" I mean I have been talking a lot to myself, out loud, in the company of my husband (who is not listening). I have been working my tail off for us to have names picked out so that when we see him or her we can say she or he definitely looks like a ...... I am not one of those people that can see them and then out of the blue pick their name based on what I feel. I picked Curious George's name (his real name is Aaron Wesley Jeremiah Rye) and once he came out and I brought him home I called him Kyle(not his real name) for like 3 weeks. I was delusional and thought for sure he "looked" like a Kyle. Well he does a little but it is not his name and I am so glad we had his name picked before I met him. Well long story short I told the hubby of mine that he no longer had the power of Veto for names until he gave me 10 possible names. (They had to be workable and not cookie or fluffy or whatever weird mood he was in). Well He failed and did not have the names to me by the deadline I had picked. On Sunday afternoon I was online looking up names, and I found a girl's name I really liked. I found this name and I thought of a super cute nickname to go with it. I thought Self there is no way that Aaron is going to come in here and like this name. So I prayed about it. I prayed that God would give me kind words (if Aaron tried to veto it) but I also prayed that if Aaron vetoed it that he would have a few names to contribute. I was reading down my list of favorite names and their meanings(we are really really into meanings). As I was reading them I read my favorite name, nickname and meaning, and Aaron stopped me he said read that last one again. I did and he said to me.... ....... ......I love that name! I love the nickname and I love the meaning. Then he said what about ......for her middle name. My husband picked her name! I am so glad and now it feels totally worth all the veto madness I went through to get here to the place of the perfect little girls name!

My Big Sister

I wanted to dedicate this post to my big sister and the fact that her birthday was yesterday and she turned 30. Now I will be honest I thought that 30 was the new 20 and therefore not "that" big of deal. After much research (interviewing my post 30 friends) I now stand corrected and I have discovered that it is a HUGE deal! Especially to the person conquering this milestone. So here it is.... When we were kids my big sister was the absolute coolest, most beautiful, most perfect big sister One person could find. Now don't get me wrong this does not mean we did not fight. We definitely did. It just means that no matter what she was doing she made it look so cool, I wanted to do it too. No matter what she was wearing she made it look good (I can remember coming downstairs to leave for school, seeing what she was wearing I would run back to my room to change into something that resembled what she had on.) She has always had perfect hair, perfect skin and the ability to get an amazing tan! Don't get me wrong, she by no means was high maintenance, when I say she made anything look cool, I mean she played soccer and so was often sporting a t-shirt, umbro shorts, and a scrunchy in her hair. SHe still Looked GORGEOUS! She is super humble. She would never lead anyone to believe that she agrees with any of this stuff that I have written about it her. But it is all true! Just ask my Mom! I can remember her picking on me, but the second one of her friends would start in she was the first one to tell them to back off (or else!) I was sooo proud of her! I remember passing her in the halls of our High school and telling everyone there's my sister!

As kids (and to this day) She has always been able to let out the most amazing burps ever! We have grown up (i Use the term 'grown up' very loosely) always able to share secrets. Usually the kind of details you would never tell another living soul.... She gives the best advice. I have never felt like she was judging me. She always gave me the advice with no strings attached. It was usually wisdom from her own personal experience. With four kids and 10 years of marriage under her belt there is plenty of wisdom to go around!

There is no one in the universe who can make me laugh harder than her. I LOVE THAT! She has always been there for me ALWAYS! I am talking 3:30 in the A.M. Always. You know someone cares about you when it is 3:30 in the morning and you have just awoken them from what was probably the most amazing sleep ever, and they pretend like they have been awake just hanging around (waiting for your call) Just so that you won't feel bad, for waking up their entire house! THAT IS A BIG SISTER... I love her so much! My whole life would be totally different if I didn't have her. Happpy BIrthday STAST!

Fat cat

This is our overweight cat. His name is Romeo and he definitely lives up to his name as he is very lovable. That was of course before his diet. When Romeo was a very tiny kitten (yes he was small once) he developed some sort of an allergy we will call it feline asthma. Now when Romeo gets this "asthma" he has to get a steroid shot. We need to do this about twice a year. Well our vet informed us once again that with this shot he will run the risk of getting feline diabetes. She said that his weight problem could make this more likely. Then she used the O word. She called him Obese. Well this really hurt Romeo. He has always felt more like a small dog than a cat and to call him obese was a real reality check. Well when we got home we put him on a strict diet. He still eats the same food he loves just half the amount. This means his bowl is often empty. He is angry with us! Which for Romeo means the silent treatment. Even when I went to pet him just now he licked the spot where I touched him, as if to say "don't give me your pity pats." Well all we have to do is get him down to 15 lbs. and we can put his food back to "normal."

I am sure you are guessing by now there is absolutely NOTHING going on here but waiting....Oh I should post pictures of the crib in our room, but I really want to get the bedding first, so you'll have to settle with pictures of our fat Romeo.

I do have a curious George story...

The other night he had been talking in his bed for about 1 hour so I went in to settle him and say it was time to be quite. When in I went in there this was our conversation....

Me: Curious it's time to go to bed

Curious: Jesus died on the cross

Me (startled and rather impressed): Yes he did he died for our sins so that he would raise again and live in our hearts.

Curious (literally starting to fall asleep, and oblivious to my response): I died on the cross for God so that I could sing to him.......

I had nothing to say..what theology is that? and where would I have taken it? Well I didn't need to think for long because the silence was soon filled with him singing (very sleepily) "At the Cross." The scene that played out before me was super cute and very humerous...I wonder what had been going through his precious little mind?

I will just let the Holy spirit work that one out.....;)

Massages

Have you ever just sat and wondered, "what would be the positives of throwing out my back?" Well one major one is that you can justify the expense of getting a massage. We found out about 3 years ago that when you go to a Chiropractor and you put it on insurance (isn't that what its for) Insurance companies can look at what you went for and say "hmmm, this person throws her back out every two years so we aren't going to cover it." So we had some excellent advice to pay for it out of pocket. Well last time I did this I received about 4 chiropracter treatments and my super generous Mom and Dad payed for a massage. Well the Chiropracter said that was an excellent way to speed up recovery. Well living here in a new place I was worried about going somewhere new when I love my chiropracter back home (in Saint Louis). Soooo, my sweet man said lets pay for a couple of massages instead. Well from this whole situation I have learned something about myself. I know that everyone was born with a purpose I have discovered mine...(careful this is going to get deep) getting massages. Yes I know it will be a difficult calling but I am willing to embark on this journey :) So now you might be thinking "How do I throw out my back in order to justify massages?" Well the last 4 times were very silly things lets see: picking up the phone off the floor, picking up a baby (okay totally legit), picking up the phone off the floor (wow I need to review keeping the phone somewhere else), and scooting our dogs bed (pillow) across the floor. There it is! I do have to tell you if you are considering this just know that your back pain doesn't go away. Days when you wake up pain free by bed time it hurts so bad. So this is definitely a down side worth considering. Oh and one more positive thing. When I came home from my massage, Curious George informed me that He had also thrown out his back and needed a massage. He had also touched my arm and discovered it was really oily (from the massage not lack of bath) He asked why and when I told him they use oils to massage me he then informed me that he needed oils for his massage. So we got him all ready for bed and he layed down (I hid some baby lotion so that he would think it was massage oil) and proceeded to give my precious baby boy a massage. When George was little I gave him baby massages every night before bed with this exact lotion. Oh the sweet memories this brought back. He layed so still and absolutely loved it. Aaron was worried we had created a monster. I was happy to have such a PRECIOUS moment with my little boy (who is 3 and getting not so little anymore :(

Correction

Sorry Everyone I need to correct how far along I am....

If we are having a girl I am actually more like 2 months pregnant....Because we are

On the Girls list.

And if we find out we are having a boy We are about 4 months pregnant because we are #

"Pregnant"

So I have decided that I am about 4 months "Pregant." give or take a month. No we are not finding out what we are going to have until about hmmm....maybe the 5th or 6th month. So are any of you sitting there with your mouth gaping open? Well I have decided I am going to start putting the adoption into pregnancy perspective because I get to justify so many more things. Here they are in no particular order... 1). I can start picking up super cute clothes for our little one. Guessing the age, size and gender is actually kinda fun (for now!). 2.) We are rearranging so that we can get used to the new setup. We are moving the crib from George's room into ours so that He and We can get used to seeing it in there! 3.) I can obsessively think about names. (I am pretty settled). 4.)I can start making lists from other people's bloggs who just traveled so that I can be ready to pack and travel! (I had a bag packed for the hospital when I was like 7 mo preg....You know just in case:) 5.)We can start collecting and setting aside donations! 6.) We can start setting aside diapers. When I was pregnant with curious george we started buying diapers, a bag a week so that we had them saved up when he came home. It was a huge life saver and it helped financially when we were needing to buy other things (like a $250 breast pump.) 7.) Food cravings, sleepyness, and being cranky. I think I can justify these....? Well I was hoping to accomplish putting this whole waiting thing into more "exciting" terms. It is exciting when people are pregnant because you count down with them. I feel like every time someone talks to me I am counting up. Interested by stander: "so how much longer do you think?" Me: " Oh this is a really quick program so I am thinking probably a little over a yearish..(me last may). Interested by stander (last fall): "So do you have a referral how much longer do you think?" Me (smiling politely): No we should probably be done and have our referral by the middle to end of the spring. Interested by stander (Last spring): "So do you know how much longer" Me(looking desperate): "Nope we still don't know probably sometime this summer, we're praying we can TRAVEL before the court closes in Aug." Interested by stander (This summer): So are you going to get to travel before the courts close?" Me: " No we would need a referral before we travel...Probably 6 more months." So I give it to you in this way for 2 reasons: 1. The interested by stander is trying to be excited and encouraging by keeping up with our process. The second reason is it shows how I am having to tell them more and more and more time. Doesn't it just sound nicer to say I am about 4 months along in our adoption pregnancy...We will soon find out the sex (1-2 months) We are looking at delivering in Ethiopia sometime in January... Doesn't that just sound hopeful and exciting? Well the count down is on and the diaper buying will help me! (Wow I never thought I would say buying diapers would "help me" I remember counting down to not need to buy them anymore. Weird)

Guarding our hearts for 6 more months

I talked to AGCI today. We confirmed parameters once again, then we went over the new changes (nothing to write home about). Then I asked the question....I don't remember specifically what the question was but I do know that Yes referrals do slow down during court closure (way down). Yes the first group to travel last year was after thanksgiving(those families had referrals given in the summer and then waited until Nov. (YIKES!) So we could look at traveling Jan. or Feb. sooooo 2009. I am doing well right now. It's all in God's timing! I guess I am more in a state of yeah I figured. Lately it hasn't all felt very real. I think it has been good though because I feel like God is really guarding my heart. I think it is going to really start to hurt come Oct. when the courts open back up. Well please continue to pray for us we could have a lot longer to go:( I also want to mention another day of prayer and fasting. This time we are praying and fasting for a Mom on the list serve who just found out her Mom has uteran cancer. I will also challenge others on this day to pray and fast for little Abbey who has at least a 2 year battle with leukemia ahead of her. Thanks for joining me! Bethany

Honesty

You know it is funny the squeeky wheel gets the attention. I just have to laugh at myself because for me this was a lesson learned. I am the one who has put this weird reign on myself. Like I have to perfect in order to belong in the wonderful world of adoptive families... Every time I talk to AGCI I get so nervous that I am going to say something totally stupid (which yes is very possible and quite likely). I always get so nervous that I will say the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time.Well this isn't like me. I am just so out of my element. So my last post was honest and I wasn't totally ostrasized. Thanks to those who supported me! Well here is a little more honesty for all of you... Sometimes I can't picture what it will be like to bring my little one home. I can't imagine traveling. I am scared to leave my little George home with someone other than his mom and Dad. I think all of this changes once you see the prince or princess face but until then I will be honest I am a little nervous.