If adults were children

I looked really hard for a picture of one of the boys doing something that would be socially inappropriate for an adult to do. This seemed to be the only one appropriate for the internet. Wes was about 18mo. Can you imagine if we as adults were just sitting at the table eating, and we just decided to pull our shirt over our head in order to finish the meal? haha!

I was contemplating today what it would be like if I acted like my kids for a day. Let me rephrase that, maybe if I had the freedom my kids had, you know to do socially inappropriate things and it totally not matter.

This idea hit me when the boys and I were running errands. We were in the car and I had just tried to call Aaron to see where our bank account was...before I ran the errands. Wesley, being ever so curious wanted to know what the message was that I left on Daddy's phone.

Here is our conversation:

Me: "I asked Daddy if he got paid."

Wesley: what does he get paid for?

Me: well you know when Daddy flies his airplane?

Wesley: yes

Me: well daddy has a company and they pay him for flying them.

Wesley: why do we need to get paid?

Me: Well you know how we go to the grocery store?

Wesley: Mom could you be Lava girl? Then I will be shark boy?

Me (a little caught off guard): Sure

Wesley: okay so now we can keep talking...

I mean can you imagine if we as adults were just listening to someone talk and we started to feel a little bored. So instead of patiently waiting till the conversation ends, we just interrupt and ask the person talking to pretend to be a more exciting character. Yes envisioning me as lava girl and Wesley as shark boy, did set the scene for the rest of our conversation to be much more exciting.

Here is another instance when I wondered what it would be like if I acted like a kid. Earlier today Wesley had a costume on. He then decided to take it off and was going about the rest of his day in his underwear. As the time for me to leave for school approached I knew the boys babysitter was coming and so I said "Wesley would you like to put cloths on?" Wesley: "Nope." so I said "Wesley Miss Julie will see you in your underwear.." to which he replied "I don't mind." Sure enough he sat on the floor playing trains.

To which I am thinking...really. You don't mind. Hmmm. I can see it now. I am in my underwear. Aaron tells me that we have dinner guests coming over. I tell him I will stay in my underwear because I don't mind...

Or in Liam's case:

Aaron made him food. I put it on his tray and promptly put his hands down at his sides and said: Mommy I no like it! (in his random southern accent).

So there I sit at a friends dinner party. They have slaved for hours over the meal, before even trying a bite I put my arms under, shake my head vigorously, close my eyes and say, " I don't like it."

Or and yes here comes the bathroom humor (no I am not above any funny potty talk!)

Wesley on his 3rd birthday we were eating at a nicer restaurant with some company. Wesley announces loudly he has to poop. After Daddy and Wesley reappear he looks right at the Waiter and says I pooped and it was huge huge HUGE!!!! and grins from ear to ear.

Yeah I don't even have to give you the visual for what it would be like if an adult did that. To some degree you may know from having a husband (hehehehe)....

Oh to be a child!

Light hearted or deep and heavy

It seems 90% of my day is light hearted and funny. These boys really keep me rolling! So why if 90% of my day is light hearted am I so compelled to write about the deep and heavy? I guess it's because that is the stuff I am having such a hard time processing. Well this isn't deep or heavy in a negative way just a thought.

Aaron and I both heard a really amazing week long series done on focus on the family. All in all we came away from it with a strong desire to live as if the comfort of this world truly doesn't matter. Now don't get me wrong...I have the air conditioner on, I am sitting at a lap top typing, and we buy as much food as we need to be full. I am just talking about the big picture (which refines us to change the smaller details). Aaron and I were talking about what it would look like if we lived like God was preparing us for something huge. We were talking about how much we both have a heart for mission work (both state side and overseas). We talked about what it would mean to start a ministry. We don't even know how to go about it. God has always given me a passion for teens and especially teen moms. I want so badly to start an organization that teaches young mom's, not only parenting skills, but also helps them work cooperatively with the school to finish. Not only high school but to go on to college. I would want to model the program after a program I heard about in Gurney Illinois called Teen Mother Choices. Aaron and I talked about what it would look like to work towards that goal. Aaron has always had a heart for helping and supporting Dads. He feels Dads really play a big role in the life of their kids and he wants to set up a program for giving guidance and support for young Dads.

So it's all just in the dreaming phase, one thing we know for sure is that we need to get out of debt. We have school debt and man it would be nice to be debt free. Once we have a plan for getting out of debt and I am closer to being done with school we are going to start taking steps into what could and will be the biggest adventure of our lives. Scary thing is...I don't even know the first thing about how to go about doing this....So that should make it interesting!

Do you ever?

Disclaimer: I am totally hopped up on Benadryl which is my ticket on the looney train...

So super random picture. Just found it and I was laughing so hard. Literally it looks like my stomach will fall off!

*Do you ever get really stressed when you have a male doctor and your hands get all sweaty, and the harder you try to be normal the more sweaty you get? ...no?...okay so bad opener.

*Do you ever wonder why boys get to pee standing up?

*Do you watch reality shows just so you can feel better about yourself or your situation?

*Do you ever wonder why we as humans hurry up just to wait?

*Speeding just to end up waiting at a stop light.

*Rushing to pick your food from the menu only to sit and wait FOREVER...

*Hurrying to start a family only to wait till they can move out (hahahaha)

*Speeding through adoption paperwork on numerous occasions just to wait (killer!)

*If you have boys (especially toddler) do you ever contemplate how similar your house is to a frat house?

*Constant eating

*Constant bodily noises: AT ALL TIMES!

*The toilet seat is almost always up

*People don't flush/ not because they forget but because they are so proud of what was left in the toilet!

*Someone (liam) Grabs my boob at some point (the middle of walmart) and screams Momma booby over and over and louder and louder (as he is, excuse me, squeezing it)

*Waking up with a naked boy in your bed (see an earlier post where someone decided to crawl in my bed to "snuggle" but really needed their butt wiped).

*Boys peeing at random (whether in the house at a toilet or not...)

Man as much as I wish I had a manual for those boys and as much as I kill myself trying, I love those boys and am so happy to be there mom! It isn't always fun but man it just works and I am so blessed to be doing what I do! Even if I do fall in the toilet because it's dark and someone didn't put the toilet seat down...

So if you haven't wondered any of these things maybe you are now. If not tell me a "Do you ever.....?"

Jealous of the women in cell block 6

So Aaron and I were watching this show on TLC called women of cell block 6. It's kind of a detention center/jail were women are held but not in actual prison. It seems like a lot of them are waiting for sentencing, waiting for parole waiting for something. So why in the world am I jealous. Well as you all have probably guessed by now I am super sarcastic. So I am not literally jealous. But after Aaron and I watched the show together he was like, "what are you thinking." I said, "well I was wondering what crime I could commit that would land me in there for a bit of rest and reflection."

That is how I feel. I am just so ready for some time just to process. I feel I go all day and then put the kids in bed and it's my time to start "thinking." Instead what happens is that my brain totally shuts down. There is no processing. Then the next day it starts all over again. What am I needing to process? Well I may put it in numbered form because I haven't processed it....

1. Parenting the boys. We really are getting to an age with them that they need to start trying a little harder in doors to act like civilized humans.

2. We want to get out of debt. How do we do that?

3. We are talking about moving. How do we get moving towards that process?

4. School is going well but this months worth of classes is rough.

5. My "need" to start relaxing. How in the world do I accomplish that?

6. Adjusting to all the 'new' ways I am supposed to sit, stand, sleep, so as not to cause permanent nerve damage.

7. The preschool we should put Liam in...The neurologist believes he needs to be somewhere.

8. Helping Liam. We have seen a neurologist and are on a waiting list to go to the Thompson center.

You know what I think I will expand on number 8. Liam is a very very bright boy! Anyone who meets him is smitten! He is very bright and very sweet. BUT if you know him well enough or have spent enough time around him you can see that something is "off" really only my parents and my older sister, have "witnessed" what we are talking about. Aaron and I see it all the time as his parents. We would struggle because anytime we talk to Doctors and friends, family etc. they all say Oh he is doing so well. Listen to his verbal skills. I get so discouraged because I think "yes he is doing well but something isn't right." Well after seeing the neurologist, I, for the first time left very encouraged. She like all the others was super impressed with Liam's verbal skills and other things he is doing, but after being in there for an hour and talking with us about why we were seeking her help she gave us some insight as to what is going on. I want to right a whole post on it. I believe that some, if not most of what is going on with our little boy, has to do with his "story." But because of everything we have been through and the stress that has accompanied everything, I want to share our journey as we go through this process. I know there are other families in the same boat and I want to help them as I see God helping us and our little man.

Well I am going to wrap up with why I want the R&R prison provides. My boys are super active and literally from (on a good day) 6:30 on they hit the ground running. They are emotionally, physically and I have found spiritually exhausting. Last night on the car ride home, as I contemplated Aaron dropping me off on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere, so that I could enjoy some quiet, I told God I was tired of not knowing how to parent the boys. I am so humbled when I think back on the days when my oldest was 2 or 3 and I really thought I had it all together. I really thought I knew what I was doing, and I felt I was doing a pretty stinkin good job! Now I am tired of feeling like I am always "guessing" and "adjusting." I asked God why in so many times of weakness and struggle I felt like I couldn't see Him. Then Job popped into my brain I remember how so many of his friends said "curse God and die." Now I know this seems dramatic but lets just say it was rough day, a rough car ride home, and well it was that time of the month. But I still couldn't do it. I couldn't tell God I was done. I couldn't tell God he had made a mistake. I couldn't give in. I wanted rest and I wanted relief but I couldn't do it. So I put a worship song in...I have to admit this isn't always my style, but I did it. Then I flipped through the CD and just picked a number...here is what I got....you can't tell me God isn't listening:)

"Oh Lord my God when I in awesome wonder, consider all thy works thy hand has made..." I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder, and they power throughout out the universe displayed...Then sings my soul. My savior God to thee. How great Thou art. How great thou art. Then sings my Soul my savior God to thee How great Thou art how, How great Thou art."

Toxic STRESS syndrome

You remember how I am making all of my medical stuff up? Do you remember the doctor after doctor who told me that I needed to wait it out. Do you remember the ENT who asked me "what do you want? to have surgery?" Or when he said I was being superficial because the swelling wasn't "that noticeable?" Well I have some answers to these questions. After I filter out the inappropriate things I shouldn't say...Actually there has been something wrong. Something has been very wrong. I went to an Orthopedic surgeon on Friday of last week. After doing mild strength tests he told me that I had a pulled trapezoid muscle. He then told me I needed to get a shot in my neck and physical therapy. Soooo after almost chickening out, having to ask for crackers, and to hold the nurses hand, I got the shot into my neck. He told me it would help relieve the pain. Not so much. The swelling got worse and I felt a lot more pain. Well I just waited because I knew I was going in for physical therapy.

Long story short I was told my physical therapy was going to be like a message. So I thought I had a prescription for 3-5 messages per week for 4-6 weeks. Well this did not turn out to be the case. After a lot of diagnostic testing the physical therapist tells me I have Thoracic Outlet Syndrome. He didn't give me a whole lot of answers because he said it really now would involve my primary care doctor and an orthopedic surgeon in Saint Louis. Yikes! As far as my diagnosis goes he told me to google it. So I did. It was kind of stressful to say the least. Conservative approaches can be used and may be all I need. But basically what I read was that in 50-80% of people the surgery is successful. Or What? That's how I feel...Or what? What does surgery mean? What does it mean for it to not work? What if I chose not to have surgery and I continue to have nerve damage? Then what? They amputate my arm? I lay it on a fire and forget it's there because I don't have feeling in it anymore? OR WHAT?

The last 3 days I have cried a lot. It's not because this is life threatening...It's because I don't get it. I don't get the plan, the long term, the prognosis, The OR WHAT?...All I know is that we are working on better posture, taping, sitting with support etc. When do I get scheduled with my doctor? When Do I see the orthopedic surgeon in Saint Louis? What happens if this continues? When I was getting my evaluation he lifted my arm and felt my pulse(one of the diagnostic techniques) he found that my pulse stops sooner than it should. Someone who has this 'syndrome' a doctor may find that they are losing a pulse by holding the individuals hand up to about 180 degrees. He said he couldn't feel mine as of about 45 degrees. This morning when I laid down on the table to have more diagnostic stuff done, half of my neck and face went numb and turned red. The doctor said does this always happen? I said no this isn't normal. I am scared. I am losing feeling in my arm, neck and face.

I am struggling. I am so happy to know what could be going on. What a blessing that something so rare was found in me, in my small town! But I am still really struggling. So much of what will keep this from getting worse is stuff that I feel I don't know how to do. You know stuff like not picking up the kids, "taking it easy," um resting with my arm elevated. I feel so discouraged. How in the world can I do those things? It's hard when you hear things like "rare" and "severe, case."

Sorry I don't know how to ask for help and then I don't know how to sit back and let that help happen. I feel extremely overwhelmed right now with things going on in our home. School is the least of my stresses and unfortunately it in itself is extremely stressful. Statistics is not my thing.

I need to also update about Liam but I am to spent. Just done...

God has truly blessed us!

Soo I just wanted to let everyone know how much God blessed me last week. Besides the fact that I got to go on an awesome vacation to florida that my parents generously paid for, God gave me an extra blessing. When I went to Mexico in the spring I came home to a very angry little boy. Liam wanted nothing to do with me. He would push against me, scream etc. It was painful. I mean I know kids will act out and punish parents for leaving but this was a little extreme. So the weekend before we left on vacation the boys had to go early without me. I had to stay back because I had class on Monday, and well 7 papers to write. It ended up being a super productive weekend and I got lots and lots of cleaning done. But I was dreading I mean dreading connecting back with the boys and dealing with whatever yucky stuff Liam was going to dish out for not being around me. BUT I was wrong. Well I had a lot of people praying about it and I myself prayed pretty hard. I didn't get to see the boys when I first got to the beach house. But the next morning I was the one who got him out of bed. From that moment on for the next 24 hours he was a true momma's boy. He wanted nothing to do with anyone else. He didn't even want anyone to look at him. LOVED IT!!! Thank you so much GOD.

Just thought I would share a major triumph in my world!

Youngest comic standing

So today's comic blurb comes from once again from a younger member of our family. I do believe I could get on the show but all of my material would be one hundred percent reliant on one little boy and his never ending supply of awesome, yet very unintentional humor.

Often Wes and I will have a conversation that is totally normal and suddenly takes a turn for well, let's just say we will often "switch to pretend" and I have no idea. Well I usually catch on pretty quick:)

Wesley and I were having breakfast out on the deck. Here is the conversation that followed.

W: Mom it's a beautiful day.

Me: It really is...what do you think we will do today?

W: Well I have 16 sons and 7 no 17 daughters.

Me: Wow that's a lot

W: Yeah they help make dinner.

Me (thinking he is on to something): That is a good thing. Who is your wife?

W (slapping his head out of exasperation): Ughh I always forget, like who she is, but when she is around I can remember her. But then she leaves and I forget who she is.

M(holding in a giggle): Dude you are so cute...come give mommy a kiss.

W (reluctantly giving me a kiss): Fine now you can be my wife. But we will have to do something about Daddy.

M (all out giggling): We sure will huh...!

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

Now we really don't use profanities in our house. Seriously, okay sometimes I think them but we really try not to even say things like gosh and shut up and stuff like that. I just wanted you to keep that in mind before you read on.

I was having the boys try on shoes at a store. I was actually trying to find some cheap water shoes for the beach. Anyway, I had already tried some on Liam and well he wasn't handling my diversion of attention onto Wesley. So I handed him some FLIP FLOPS. They were clean and I thought he could be play with them as he loves Loves Them.

Me: Here Liam here is some flip flops

Liam (playing happily at first)(he then threw them on the ground and what came out of his mouth next shocked me.) Momma my F$%# flop.

Me(looking up in shock): Your what?

Liam: Momma f#$% flop, f#$% flop, f#$% flop

Now of course Liam is not actually saying a bad word, as he doesn't know any, and maybe because I knew that, it made this situation even funnier. Not that potty words are funny but seriously he kept saying it louder and louder and getting more and more frantic. I just couldn't stop laughing. I eventually had the ability to say yes Liam your flip flop...

Anyway it was funny in a shocking please dear God don't let Wesley guess what brother is saying (a game we often play:)kinda way.