What's in a name and parenting is not like riding a bike

So as we have tried to help Liam with screaming we try and give him replacement words. If he wants his brother to give him a toy to say toy please instead of screaming at him or bashing him over the head. So here are some funny examples of how well this works with Liam. Say for example it is time to go downstairs. I may say Liam go downstairs to which he responds with a scream. I respond to him with a "liam we don't scream please say yes Momma." To which Ironically Liam responds with a "yes Momma," and proceeds (ironically) to go down the stairs. It is so funny he does a total 180. One moment he protests with screaming the next moment he repeats you and then does quite happily your request. It's almost as if he feels it is now his idea and therefore safe for him to do. So sometimes we have food issues. I know I know this used to be my human garbage disposal. Once he figured out he is more in control of what and how much he ate sometimes meal times has become a battle of the wills. Well anyway for some reason he had picked cheese for this particular meal to be especially whiny about. By whining I mean screaming and hiding his face. Well we have a rule you have to at least take one bite then you can be done. Well this meal in particular Liam decided this was not going to fly. We spent about 20 minutes telling him to calm down and take one bite and he can get down etc. At this point his one bite of cheese had turned into two. I went over to him picked up one of the bites and accidentally said "Liam eat your hot dog." He then picked it up out of my hand and not only ate the one bite in my hand but the other bite on his tray. So I feel that parenting is not like riding a bike because when you have been away from it for even a few days you can find yourself forgetting very basic things. For me this happened after I got back from Mexico. I was giving the boys a bath. Everything had gone well and it was time to get Liam out. I got him out dried him off put on his lotion and set him aside. I then moved over to the bath and proceeded to get Wesley out. As I was pulling him out of the tub, I heard the sound of an elephant peeing on a flat rock. I turned around to discover there was not an elephant in the bathroom and there was no flat rock. It was in fact my little brown bear who had taken this of all opportunities to release what seemed like an unending amount of urine all over the tile floor. I panicked. I ran towards him with a loud exclamation of "liam no wait we pee pee on the potty..." By the time I reached him he had stopped (I think I scared the pee back in him:) So I turned back around to get paper towels out of the cabinet. At this point the peeing started back up again but this time he had turned his little pee-er onto the little bathroom rug. I ran to him this time determined to get some of that pee in the potty. I picked him up and set him on the toilet. I then turned around grabbing the paper towels and headed towards what appeared to be now two large pee pee spots to clean. It was at this moment Wesley exclaimed loudly and very dramatically. "mommy why did you throw my brother in the toilet." It was also at this time that I realized Liam was crying(now harder then before) I turned to discover that I had in fact forgotten that my 21month old could not sit on the toilet like his almost 5 year old brother. So when I thought I had set him on the toilet he had in fact lost his balance and fell into the toilet. All that was sticking out now was his sweet but sad face his arms and his legs. At the time I felt bad. How could I forget that Liam in no way knows how to sit on the big potty by himself. It didn't help that my oldest was accusing me of putting his brother into the toilet. Later I had to laugh at the whole situation and was bummed I didn't have my camera.

Hello

Yeah I know I titled my post hello. But I literally didn't know what else to put and sometimes the effort I put into titling the post is all for naught anyway because it doesn't really fit. So hello...goodmorning...salutations. I realized I only seem to write when I am needing blog therapy. So although I don't have anything to say I thought I would post anyway. I was looking back at what I put in my previous posts and realized it's a lot of venting. It kinda makes it sound like we aren't doing well and such. Truth is we are doing well. The kids are doing great. School is stressful but fun for me. Aaron loves his job. So really we couldn't ask for more. I just know that in those moments of struggle and ultimately growth it's hard. I want others to feel validated that at the Rye house it's not always smiles and ease. I did realize though that I should balance a little better between the two. Let's see highlight of my 2010 thus far. Hmmm...my trip to Mexico. I really had a lot of me time. Super selfish I know. Mom's aren't supposed to want to run to another country just so they can have peace and quiet. Well I did and I got it and it was awesome. Aaron is such a blessing as a husband. He is such a trooper and watched the boys. Course I don't consider it the same as when he is out of town and I stay home. When I stay home life continues. When Aaron stays home I try to work out breaks for him. Organize meals. And well I can't get the saying out of my head "when the cats away the mice will play." I am so happy they had fun though and I love coming home to three happy boys rather than what Aaron has to come home to. The kids are happy but I am usually a crotchety mess. I have been keeping up with my Devo which is good. I had a really good peaceful time with God while I was away which was such a blessing. I will leave you with a wise four year old's perspective on relationships. "mom from the time girls are little they always stare at the boys." He is in for a rude awakening:)

Spiritual accountability

So I have been thinking a lot about spiritual accountability. What does it look like? I ask this because I know that our personal walk with God can be so intimate but at the same time as humans and dealing with our flesh we can need a prompting from a fellow believer. I will be totally honest with you...I really struggle with my daily devotion. I mean I struggle with the fact that I don't have one. I really want an accountability partner but at the same time I don't know how to go about asking for one. Well last week I decided that I needed to start my day off with God. If I am looking to him for my strength all day then I need to be arming myself with the Word. I know that I have the Holy Spirit but I also have to trust that God has spoken to me through his word and I can pull from that throughout the day. Well until I figure out this accountability partner issue I want to post my devo. for today. My goal would be to post it every day but well it has been a big deal for me to be reading everyday let alone turning on the computer and posting so we will see. Here it is... From My Utmost for His Highest. Reference I kings 19:5 This verse is talking about Elijah fearing for his life and basically hiding out in the wilderness. The Lord provides food for him. The title of today's devo. TAKING THE INITIATIVE AGAINST DEPRESSION: It is talking about how all of us have the capacity for depression. If we didn't we would not be human. Whenever we examine ourselves we need to take into account our capacity for depression. The Spirit of God comes to us, just as it did to Elijah. Not with glorious visions but in the most ordinary things imaginable. (He fed Elijah). We are being prompted to look for the Holy Spirit leading us instinctively to do something. This reminds me of something wise my MIL told me about. She was diagnosed with an illness that takes a lot of adjustment and trusting God to deal with. She talked to me about gathering Manna. How we so often try to gather our manna and look to prepare ourselves for the future. We worry about things days, weeks, months ahead. We gather our worries or "manna" for the future. All our manna gathered for the future spoils. Just like when we worry about tomorrow it spoils our day or causes worry and stress over something we are not even guaranteed to have. We need to gather and prepare for today the moment we are in. Taking each moment for what it is and trusting that God has given us the grace and fruit we need to handle that moment.

My little brown bear and the vanilla one too:)

Basically I think kids go through phases. I think just when you think you have hit phase and moved on I think you quickly can find yourself back in the midst of it again. One phase I have seen Liam go through and move out of and go back into is temper issues. I do feel like he does relax and we will be there for a few weeks and then spend a month or two working through things that don't feel like "normal" toddler issues. I understand that I am probably reading to much into things but I almost feel like as long as I keep myself in check it might not be such a bad thing. I mean seriously a person can drive themselves insane playing the what if game. I have come to the conclusion that I will do what works best for Liam and the rest of the family. We can't treat Liam like he is our only child because he is not. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God planned it that way for a reason. I know he wanted Liam to be the younger brother or else he would have worked it out that Liam would have been placed in another family.But he didn't he is in ours and if I trust God he will equip us to be the best parents for liam and Wesley. It may take a lot more growing on our part as parents and it may take a lot more adjusting on Liam and Wesley's part. All I know is God does not make mistakes and I see proof of that in my family. I still think back on how there were a couple of people who did not think that God wanted Aaron and I together for whatever reason. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Aaron chose me and I chose him and God has blessed our relationship. The interesting part on that story is I had been warned ahead of time(while I was on a mission trip) that I would face a lot of spiritual warfare when I returned home. They warned us that it would be in the area that we struggled the most to trust God. Boy did they peg that one! Anyway I think Satan was just scared because he didn't want to see another couple united under the umbrella of salvation. On another note and why I am actually writing a post was to talk about the boys;)Even in the midst of learning how to parent and trust God in the midst of feeling clueless I have to trust that we will make it through. So back to what I was saying before about cycles. So I mentioned how liam seems to cycle through emotional behaviors. Well Wes seems to cycle through Physical regressions. Here are a couple of examples: It was time to get Wesley out of quiet read time: M: Wesley what is on your hand W: I got a little marker on it I should wash it in the sink. M: I think that is a good idea.... Wesley goes to the bathroom while I pick up... M: Wesley what is all over snuggie(his very special bear) W: I little bit of marker... M: (noticing his mouth) Wes what is all over your mouth? (I begin to pull his sleaves up and pant legs etc.) Wes what is all over you? W: (big grin) I markered myself! And when I was kissing snuggie I got it on his jamies... I proceed to discover marker on his belly, all over his arms and legs, and yes folks even his crack.... I wanted to be mad but it was next to impossible once I saw the marker trail heading down into his southern cheeks.. Second: I was sleeping. wesley runs into my room (it's 6:30) M: Hi baby did you just wake up? W: no mom I was awake for awhile. I cut my school picture up and seperated my friends on who is bossy and who isn't. He then proceeds to shower me with all the pictures of his friends who appearantly aren't bossy. Hmmmm! Don't leave wesley alone and tread on thin ice with Liam:)Lessons learned!I love how they make me laugh.

Life is precious

Life is precious~ I understand why it often takes an illness or tragic event for us to puzzle over just how precious life is. It just makes me sad that in between these moments in time we often live our lives taking for granted the people around us we love a lot. When Aaron and I were in college we saw a good friend burried due to a car accident. After we were married about two years we saw 2 other good friends(brothers) and their father burried due to a car accident. It was after this tragic event that I got a little anxious about Aaron driving or flying. There were so many times when he was in pilot training or was flight instructing that I thought he was supposed to be home at a certain time and minutes would turn into hours before I would hear from him. There was one night in particular where I can remember he was supposed to be somewhere by a certain time and during that time a quick moving storm system had moved into the area. The power in the house was coming and going and tornado sirens were sounding. I was so scared something had happened to Aaron 2 1/2 hours of wondering before I found out he was okay but that he had been through quite a ride. In those moments of fear I would often (foolishly) allow myself to "go there." you know the place you go when you start assuming the worse. I would wonder what I would do. How would I continue to be a mom. How would God help me breath after something so horrible? My sister and I would often have conversations about this. Conversations about the dreaded phone call, and then still functioning in life for our childrens sake and how would we do it. I know I cannot fathom the peace that God would give and I know I can't imagine the breath God would have to breath into my lungs to help me get through the first painful moments(days years) I know I can't imagine it because I don't need that peace or understanding right now. It's not a journey I am walking and I know if I had to walk it that GOD's GRACE IS ALL SUFFICIENT! Well my sister did get the dreaded phone call yesterday. The phone call in which some strange person calls your home interrupting your world of normal and asks you if you are "susie smith?" You say yes wondering who this is and what they are selling. THen the dreaded sets in the next sentence delivers life changing impact. "We have your husband in the ER there has been an accident." I don't know how she felt, I don't know what her next thoughts were or how she functioned all I know is that God was with her. As I talked with her throughout the day and evening I could tell there was a guard holding up. She was staying so strong so she could process and do what she needed to do as a wife and a mom and she did it. I was so proud of her. Every time I got off the phone I was in awe at the things she had thought of. Of the boundries she was setting (giving herself room and time to think). Of thinking of and moving her kids to where they needed to be. She is my hero and again I am so proud of her. My brother in law by the Grace of God is alive. He is injured and his body is broken but he is alive and healing. I am so thankful that God protected him and my sister and my neices and nephew. So I just wanted to leave you with this thought. Life is precious. Don't let anyone leave with unresolved anger or hurt. You just never no when it will be the last time.

Beating a dead horse And I am officially a Grad student!!!!

Seriously I do not mean to beat a dead horse, although sometimes I do wish there was a dead horse in the back yard for me to beat. Please don't notify PETA I love animals and I don't wish death upon them. I am merely saying if there happened to be a horse who by chance died of say natural causes and it happened to somehow be drug into my backyard where I happen to see it and in the midst of my frustration was able to use it as a punching bag it might be a good outlet. Although after that somewhat graphic explanation I feel a little nauseous. I digress... Please tell me what is normal 18mo behavior? When Wes was 18mo I remember (barely) feeling like I was going to lose my mind because he was unbelievably busy and into EVERYTHING. Example: One afternoon while running through the house like a mad woman trying to clean like crazy(I believe we were having company)I stepped out of Wesley's sight for 1 sec...Okay maybe 30 sec. but seriously under a minute, and when I walked back into the room he had found a tube of sun screen(I don't even know where he got it) and had squeezed it all over our kitchen bench and had slathered it all over the kitchen floor. He seriously did things like this ALL THE TIME! Okay so I remember some issues but I just don't remember all the screaming and crying that Liam does in a 12 hour period (the other 12 he is asleep:). Everything makes my little man cry EVERYTHING. I have been really thankful for our adoption list serve because there have been others who have started opening up about some of their own struggles with their newly entered toddlers. Apparently screaming hitting fit throwing are all totally normal. I also got some good advice as far as how to handle Liam when he is in the middle of his angry tantrum. Well my friends I got to practice this such advice a few short hours of reading it. I had to take Wesley to the Doctor. Here is how the conversation went before we left: W:Mom when are we leaving for the doctor? M: As soon as I get brother up from his nap. W: Aww mom we have to bring him? M: Of course he's your brother and he can't stay home alone. W:But mom he is so loud. M: He is not so loud and he will be fine. FAMOUS LAST WORDS So I put liam in the stroller and Wes, Liam and I walk in. WE get to sit in the well side of the waiting room and I decided we could be there for 2 hours waiting so I let LIam out of the stroller to play with Wes(who of course was begging me to let Liam out so that they could play(he really loves his brother). So I Got Liam out of the stroller and he decides he wants to push his stroller around the waiting room. Totally fine we are the only ones in there. Well to my surprise they call us back in like 10 min. So I grab the hats, gloves, coats, not to mention the pen and 5 pieces of paper and clip board they give you when you first walk in the door, plus I am trying to help Liam who can't see over his stroller push it into the hall, AND I am trying to encourage Wesley to move forward because he has just decided he is shy. Well we get 2 feet into the doorway and the @#$% hit the fan. I don't remember if I touched the stroller or if Wes did or what. None of us had the intent of taking the stroller away from him, but that was his perception and he hit the deck. I mean flung himself back ward bumped the wall losing his balance and landing on his butt which he then flung himself the rest of the way back and through a fit. If I had a mute button he almost looked like he was trying to make a snow angel. Bring the volume back on it was not so serene. I panicked! I mean we were in public and around health officials. I couldn't decide what they thought was worse that he was throwing such a loud horrendous fit, that he was laying on a dirty doctors office floor, or that I proceeded to step over him. Yes you read that right. I stepped over him and kept walking. All I could think of when it happened was someone saying they ignore the tantrum and "step over the child." Well he got up followed us a few steps and threw himself back down. I continued to ignore him (while wes was being weighed in the hallway)(at this point there were 2 doctors and 3 nurses all staring at my hysterical son. When it was time to walk to our room I picked him up (He pinched, hit, scratched smacked me all the way to the room). When we got in the room a sat him in his stroller buckled him in and had it face the wall. He continued to scream our whole appointment. The ironic part was when the nurse asked us why we were in there: I said "He has been complaining of headaches." Seriously the nurse stared at me like "you wonder why." I tried the time out chair at home. Yeah it worked like five times and then on the sixth time he wouldn't let me get him out of the time out chair. Yeah he catches on real quick and once he catches on he is back in control. STRONG WILL??? To top things off he has just decided he doesn't want to eat. All he wants to eat is bread. He doesn't want to eat anything anymore. Everything is a fight. He used to be the best eater in the world(literally). I loved the way he was so excited to eat and enjoyed his food. NOw it is almost as if he has no appetite and when he does eat he begs for crackers and bread and of course milk....Is this normal? I mean I know they acquire a taste for food and what they do or do not like but is this more a battle of the wills like everything else has been or is this a genuine he doesn't like anything anymore? Oh and anymore discipline ideas for when we are say in the middle of the store and he can't have what he wants and he is screaming blood curdling screams. I can't do time out, I don't want to leave my cart and have to start over(besides I think he would like that to much). I have put my hand on his mouth and said shhh shhh Liam use quiet mouth. But even this activity gets raised eyebrows. Come on pour in the advice! Okay now here comes the shocker: I made it into Graduate school. It is 2 evenings a week and goes I think for 2 years. I am really excited and hope it works out with the family schedule.

Holidays

We had a wonderful Christmas...Wesley tore through presents while Liam cried through opening every single one. We eventually learned after about the 2nd present that we should stop forcing him to open his presents. We let Wesley open Liam's presents and Liam got to play with what was inside it was a perfect compromise! This Christmas was so different for me in so many ways. One way in particular was how we are in such a different place emotionally. Another way was my mindset on the day of Christmas itself. After reading the responses to my post on Christmas's and after mulling over the subject (probably too much:) I began to formulate my own ideas as to what the day of Christmas may look like as our boys get older. I heard a sermon shortly after my post about the shepherds having just seen and angel and a star in the distance. They had just received GOOD NEWS! He compared it to the fact that we so often consider evangelizing a burden or a specific phrase we have to say. When really we are sharing the joy of our good news. When you get a job promotion you share with enthusiasm and excitement your good news. Your excitement is contagious. Why should Christmas day be any different? For me Christmas had become about trying to wrap my brain around the great thing that was done of me on this day. Almost a burden I had placed on myself to not be to excited about the material side so that I could focus on what God did for us that day.I like the annalogy that if I had a cure for someone's termanal illness I would run at them with my life saving good news. Well that is what Christmas (and of course Easter) are reminders that we have the cure. We have the good news of eternal life. Well my friends then it dawned on me. What if the material side was part of the Spiritual side on Christmas. Follow me for a second. When you have a birthday there is good news and great joy. There is celebrating for all the people. The gifts, the food, the family gathering can all be a part of the celebration that Christ was born on this day. This probably sounds like a no brainer to most of you. But for me it really transformed my heart. I really had a sense of pure joy and excitement. I don't know Christmas was really real. Hope to share Christmas pics at some point... Need to hop off I have been watching Liam watch himself (filling his pants) in the mirror and then trying to feed his image berry berry kix....