Dedicated to my Mother in law

I am dedicating this post to my Mother in Law. She is an amazing woman of God. My father in law is on a 4 month deployment and she is really missing her man. In the midst of her missing him she is always comforted by scripture and continues to turn her eyes to Christ rather than her lonely circumstances. I hope that even though I am posting something new you will still read the scripture I posted. Right now I am clinging to God's promises. It is literally the only guarantee that I have right now. Believe me I need some guarantees. So I am using this post to update you on the process and where my heart is in the midst of all of this. It was on a Monday almost 3 weeks ago. I had really struggled all that weekend. and I mean really struggled. Like I didn't want to get out of bed struggled. So it was Monday afternoon and I found myself lying face down on the floor in a time of quiet, intimate prayer. (Don't worry Wes was at nap.) I was so broken. I recognize that our wait has been and at that point had been nothing compared to the broad scope of adoption and how long you can actually wait. But waiting is not my gift. I am very much the type that has made a decision and I act on it. Let's paint the living room...I grab a can of paint and paint the living room..Aaron comes home from work in complete shock that his living room is now "Paris Grey," and no longer white. So as you can see it is not that I am impulsive. I think very thoroughly about my decisions but boy once I have decided you better watch out! I digress (I love that word). So I was praying and I want to share how my prayer went. It is very intimate and personal and yes I am writing what I feel like God spoke to me during this prayer. This prayer explains why I feel the way I do now.

"God Please move in a mighty way so that we can pass through courts the first time. Please Lord bring our boy home by Christmas. I can't wait any more. I have fasted, I have consumed my thoughts with my son and traveling."

God: Did you fast because you want this in my timing or did you fast because you want this in your time?

"I really want this in my time...I am to scared to wait for you."

God: If you were 6 mo. pregnant and your doctor came to you and said "we can take the baby out now...but he will have all sorts of problems. Or we can wait until you are term and things will go much more smoothly." What would you pick?

"I would pick to wait."

God: What if I told you that you could be granted this to happen in your time but there would be so many complications for everyone involved, Including Liam and Wesley. But if you wait for my perfect time things will go with my blessing. What would you pick?

"I would pick to wait."

There is more but it gets to intimate and personal. Anyways because of that prayer time I have relinquished every expectation, every thought, hope, desire. I actually feel a little numb. It's like God gave my heart and my mind a shot of Novocaine. It is a good place to be. I fought it at first because I wanted to feel the longing, and agony of missing him, but now I realize that it is to long of a wait to put my heart through all of that for that long. I need to be the mom that God created me to be to the little boy he has in trusted me with first. He needs me. Liam is happy and very well cared for. He doesn't "need" me right now the way that Wesley does. Please don't miss hear me. I want to bring him home and I am excited for that day but I don't want it a moment sooner than God intended.

So there is my heart

Now on to the process. I am sure some of you have already read on other blogs and a few of you I have told over the phone but there is another delay in the process. First there is a back log of families needing to make it through court. So the courts are really really full. Then we found out that people were not making it through courts the first time around. So we were looking at a definite 3-5 months to bring him home. Forget Christmas we were hoping for January. Well we found out on Tuesday that there is a new piece of paperwork that must be included in the stack of documents the court reviews. If you want more details on it all click on the link to Melissa's blog she explains it beautifully. I had to have Christy explain it 3 or 4 times then we finally had to have a faux scenario in order for my non auditory processing brain to get it all. Well I understand it a little better. So basically when the courts open up our file on our court date they will not see that added document we need and we are almost guaranteed we will have to have a rescheduled date at a much later time.

How does this fit into the peace that God has granted my heart? Well my first reaction was to think about and pray for the 2 families that I know of that have waited since June for theirbabies. They didn't pass courts the first time around and are now looking at an even greater delay. My heart hurts for them. Then it hit me that this was going to affect us to. God is doing something. That is all I know. God is doing something. He is over the courts in Ethiopia and he has supernatural power in this whole thing to do whatever according to his will he wants to do. I am choosing to trust that God is doing something to benefit those who love him and that includes all of our babies. He wants the best for them too!

I am praying that God in his timing would bring Liam home. It is still my prayer that whenever our court date is that God would grant us the ability to pass the first time with or without the document. This is my prayer for all of my waiting friends. I just have to keep reminding myself that even when it hurts God is good!

Lots of love and prayers are going out to all of you who received this news...I don't know what it means and I don't know how this will change all of our processes but please remember that I am praying for you. Remember to that one day when our little ones are at home and sitting in our laps this will be one beautiful peace to their amazing story of how they became ours...

"and Mary treasured all these things in her heart." Luke 2