Tuesday, August 25, 2009
ADVICE PLEASE!!
Here is my dilemma...Ever since my little brown bear has become the expert walker/runner/mr. independent...a new set of hmmm issues have come up. You see he umm well he kind of hmmm....I'll just say it He HITS, PUSHES, THROWS things and well a few times he has bitten. I don't know if the walking and new since of Independence has brought this on or if they just happened to happen around the same time. Of course being over analytical I have worried that it is some sort of attachment/aggression issue coming out. Although I have already had 1 boy we surprisingly did not deal with this issue. We had other issues...but not ones so aggressive in nature.
The hitting and throwing usually if not always revolve around a fit or him being forced to do something he does not want to do. Such as hug his very (overly) affectionate older brother. Or if he has thrown a toy and I take it away he proceeds to run/toddle around the room hitting everything in sight including me if I am close enough. It really hurts my feelings and I KNOW I should not take it personally but I do and I need some tips.
I need tips on how to handle his aggression. I need tips on discipline and how I should help teach him his behavior is inappropriate without feeding the aggression.
Help!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
Oh please let my weigh in on this! I have a 6 yr old daughter, a 4 yr old son, and a 2 yr old son (all bio- our 5 mo old Ethiopian daughter is coming home in sept). Both my sons can be sweet and sensitive but they were waaaaay more aggressive than my daughter. They threw EVERYTHING and hit, kicked, sometimes bit esp at the 14-18 mo old age range. Sometimes it seemed out of curiosity ("what will happen if I chuck this tomato at my sister"), other times out of anger (not getting their way etc)or frustration. It seems to subside somewhat when they are able to communicate more but I think it is very normal however definitely not excusable. We disciplined for it to some degree from the very beginning, you don't want a 5 year old who deals with problems through aggression. Lots of things are normal that are not okay- part of being a sinful human, but I don't think you have any reason to worry about this being an adoption issue. Feel free to email me if you want to talk more : )
I wouldn't worry a bit about it..it is very typical for his age whether bio or adopted...Laugh and don't give it much attention and it will soon fade..I promise..all 4 of my kids went through this stage and it always goes away as long as little attention is given to it...He's fine and perfect, kristi
I just responded to you on the list serv. Don't worry. He is normal. You are normal. Anyway, see what I wrote on the list serv. I am very thankful that I had a wild and crazy bio daughter Eva that went through all of this and more so that I won't freak out so much if our adopted daughter does this kind of stuff. :)
My daughter is 2.5 and has always been a hitter. Even when she first came home at 8 months she would hit out at us or the dog or the chair when things didn't go her way. It has come and gone since then but usually it is directed at us and we've never seen her really hit at anyone else.
What we did was always tell her no and let her know we were very unhappy with her hitting. We used very exaggerated faces. We then used time out always telling why she went there and only leaving her there a minute or 2. That worked some but then a list serve person suggested time in (you sit with the child in a quiet place). It worked very well.
We have on occasion smacked her fingers to let her know that hitting does hurt (especially with the dog) and it helped her understand how it felt but we're not much into spanking, although I never say never.
We still use time out for her discipline issues. They are now usually focused around not getting her way but just the other day she bit and was placed in her room on the edge of her bed for 2 minutes. It was pretty effective as she didn't even want to bite her corn ear that night.
We use what works at the time and then try something else when that stops working. Hope that helps.
Sorry Bethany but I'm stifling some giggles right now. Oh boy do I feel your pain (and take comfort in having company here). I find that boy #2 has opened up a whole new world and we are having very similar issues around hitting/biting/throwing/scratchy grabbing... you name it. And big brother is very often a target. The worst part is when I say "no", take away his "weapon" and move him to his "no no spot" he just beams this big smile at me. Oh the frustration! I put a pack & play in the living room and he will often be put right in there when it happens, for a minute or two. Some days it's over and over, often he doesn't seem to give a darn that he's in the "no no spot", but at least big brother feels like I've defended him, and I don't have to get whacked for a minute, and over time the behavior really lessened (it's been going on a few months now). It's much better lately! Hang in there, be consistent, he's testing out the big new world.
I wouldn't stress....all of our children did some kind of hitting, biting, throwing- toys mostly, at people, at me, or at the wall.....totally not abnormal. I promise. We do time outs, and apologizing afterwards. Seems too young to understand, but has worked for us. I would say he is entering the "2" stage and our Jonathan has just entered as well.....sometimes seems violent, but to them they just want their way- NOW! So don't read too much into it. It is totally not aimed at anyone, but just a reflex if you like. Kind of like when a teen doesn't get their way- they do the opposite of what you ask- same idea - young age. he he he he. Of course it is not that funny when you are in it. I totally am with you on the frustration over it, but it will be ok in the end.
Stast-
My 4th child has always been that way. At our house I feel like they came out more aggresive each time. Wish I had a fail safe this is what you do, but i don't. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. I wonder if some of it comes from control issues?
Sorry didn't feel like logging out of Brad's account.
My 2 1/2 year old bio son was just like that and still in sometimes. Just tonight he was running around hitting everything in sight with a stick. Of course now our little Ethiopian princess (18 months old and home 7 months) has picked up on these lovely habits and also is a biter. Fun huh.
I always make my kids show me how to be gentle (stroke my face or each other's) and that has really helped get them to stop hitting. Boys can be pretty crazy little things and often hit first before they even think about it.
Keep the faith and work on getting him to show how he can be gentle.
Post a Comment