1 year ago tomorrow

Moses William Franklin Rye

'Liam'

Some picks I took in the fall

I thought these desserved their own picture

These are totally out of order but us decorating the tree. Last year he was asleep! First Halloween

First time in the bounce house. You want nothing to do with it:)

Dressed for snow

Playing the guitar with Daddy. You love music and man have you got rythem We think you will be a drummer though:)

First time at the pumpkin patch!

17mo. bye bye babba:(

This was you after winning the beautiful baby contest at the fair. You look says you knew you had it in the bag!

First time in a KC 135

First time in super man pj's. Your look tells it all!

That is right 1 year ago tomorrow I held for the first time my precious 2nd born. We have come so far from that first day. Words can't even describe all of the thoughts and feelings I have about this little boy and our journey together.

There have been some bumps and some really really hard times but these moments are still so priceless to me as they are moments I had with Liam. I wouldn't trade them for the world.

Ughh I am having the hardest time gathering my thoughts on what to say: or at least where to start. To I take you all back on the journey and bring you forward to where we are know? Or do I just keep it short and sweet and show you some awesome pictures. Or do I do typical blogger fashion and write the 12 things we have love about our Liam in the 12 months he has been home with us? Hmmm.

I think I will start with the first option, throw in some of the second and maybe round it off with the third. sounds ambitious we shall see....

12 months ago today...(me pretending it's tomorrow:) We were walking the gravel road to Liam. I was so nervous I could throw up. I mean I specifically remember being so nervous I thought I would throw up. Anyways as we walked I was praying. Praying I wouldn't throw up(of course) but also praying for our meeting with him. Praying it would be special and momentous, praying it would be the typical "video scenario" I had seen on some many blogs pre-travel of those who had walked in my shoes. Watching their beautiful videos with the perfect sweet music playing in the back ground etc. I imagine my own video and what it would look like as we scooped up our precious boy. I then prayed that they would hand him to me and that I wouldn't be required out of sea of children to pick him out according to the referral pics I had seen. My last prayer was that he would smell good. I am such a sniffer. Seriously it is a genetic trait I inherited from my Dad. We sniff everything sentimental. I sniff my kids heads, I sniff my husband, I sniff my son's bear (it smell like him and a little bit like drool). So I prayed he would have a good smell.

As they opened the doors to our large 8 couple travel group I remember feeling this sense of urgency. Kind of like the feeling you get on Black Friday when they open the doors at 5a.m. Anyway as we stepped in it was like walking into the secret Garden (after the main character fixed it up of course) or maybe munchkin land after watching the first 20 minutes of the wizard of oz in black and white. It was beautiful happy and cheerful. Within 5 seconds of walking in the door one family was bombarded with their two little ones. 18mo and almost 4. Okay so the 4 year old was excited the 18mo took a little warming up. I still tear up when I remember the sweet 4 year old gripping her new daddy's neck. Ughhh precious! A few seconds one of my "sisters" me her little princess and Liam's future wife. We were snapping pictures right and left each one of us seemingly being caught off guard as our children were being handed to us. Let's just say it was not the slow motion gotcha video I had imagined. As we took pictures Almaz came over to us and said Liam is right over here laying on a blanket in the sun. I was excited and mortified. Would I have to pick him out? What if I didn't pick right. Well as we made our way he was the only little sweet pea laying on the blanket by himself. I swear looking back now he was probably in time out for being so loud (no HH does not do time outs, and they do not do them with the babies esp. I am just being funny). Anyway I scooped him and took a sniff...wheewwh my poor sweet pea was having tummy trouble with the formula switch they had to do because of the formula shortage. His little system did not take the switch well. After we snapped some quick pics we went upstairs so that we could change him(it had leaked out everywhere EVERYWHERE). We brought him up to the changing station and proceeded to change and clean him. We also witnessed the worst diaper rash we have ever seen and of course it made Liam cry... I was so nervous.

We left the babies for a short bit to eat and shop and returned to pick the little ones up. My nightmare came true as it was 7:00 p.m. and the babies were still sleeping (yes late evening nap) We were supposed to go pick them up. Hmmm which one is my baby. I went in room after room and couldn't find him. I finally found one baby laying in the girls nursery wearing a santa suite that looked just like Liam. But I was in the girls nursery. Was this the right baby? A few of my "sisters" who had also met Liam that morning and seen referral photos of Liam (who had by the way managed to find their children with out a problem) came in to help me id him. They thought it was him but we were all baffled by the boy in a girls nursery. Well long story short When Liam arrived at HH they didn't have any boy cribs open so he was put in with the Ladies. He was in there just stayin strong (I do think this has added to his drama later in life:)

Well I am not an instructions kind of person. I usually open a box of something that needs to be assembled and start working on it. Directions are on an as need basis. Never in my life have I ever ever wanted directions or an instruction manual more then I did when we picked Liam up. We went back and changed him (out of the santa suite he was in...to funny) ate some dinner and put him down. He went right to sleep without a peep. We thought wow this was easy. We were exhausted and so we laid down to. The second our heads hit the pillow we were out. Then (15min later) Liam starts scream choking. I kid you not. Right now try it with me, cough and as you cough try and let out a high pitch horrifying scream. Yeah that is what we heard. I burst into tears after grabbing Liam and making sure he was still alive. Aaron's knee jerk reaction was to run across the room. It really scared us. Fortunately We traveled with a couple who happen to be ER nurses (awesome) the wife happens to be one of my "sisters." So I felt a little more comfortable knocking on their door at 11:00. We were told that was probably just Liam clearing his throat. Excuse me? Do you me that was Liam impersonating a dying, suffering animal? That was not a normal cough. Well he coughed like that pretty much our entire trip and we got used to him sounding like each cough was his last (I told you he was dramatic).

We did not sleep well the whole time we were there. During the week Aaron only had tummy issues for about 24 hrs. I had anxious tummy the whole time and by Wed. came down with what would turn out to be a horrible resp. infection. Aside from all that We loved the beautiful and kind people, We loved being immersed in the culture. After Wed. night when we got to go to the Ethiopian restaurant I was ready to stay longer. Our trip home was uneventful except my eardrum burst but that happened on the flight from D.C. to Saint Louis.

Once home our lives with Liam have been nothing short of exciting. Liam is a challenge and a blessing. Sometimes I found when I would read other peoples blogs who would brag of easy transitions and Happy all the time children I would get sad. I felt like I had failed to make our time perfect, I failed to transition him perfectly. Well first of all I would go through everything again if it meant Liam would be mine. I do grieve the easiness people describe in their blogs but at the same time our adjustment has been real. I am an analytical person and even Liam was all smiles all the time I would have analyzed his attachment to be poor or reactive or traumatic. At least I knew that Liam was having a hard time. Not with us but with the adjustment, his poor little 6mo. body had gone through so much. Everything Liam was used to EVERYTHING was no more. From the type of diapers, to formula to clothing, smells, weather, sunshine(gone we came home in winter), bed blankets, care givers, soap bath tub, lighting, heating, toys, noises (no more hearing his friends). Everything. Looking back now I see this. At the time it was really hard not to take it personal.

I have some thoughts on people's naivety towards attachment versus bonding versus traumatic attachment etc. I will not use Liam's one year post to write about it.

Anyways we love love love our family we love our little boys and we are so happy to be on this side of the fence of one of the most exciting journey's of our lives!

12 things we have learned/love about Liam

1. You are extremely happy our extremely sad. You are so dramatic. You could not have been genetically configured to be more like your momma in personality then you are. You are my mini me (in brown:) I love it.

2. You have the most contagious belly laugh and you laugh easily.

3. You throw fits about the funniest things it makes us laugh which often starts a round of giggles from you.

4. Your baby noises/ baby babble is hilarious. some type of noise has to be coming out of your body at all times.

5. You are a smart boy. You are very good at following directions.

6. You are also clever and know how to not follow directions:)

7. The way you say your words with your tongue out...your goofy

8. They way you eat anything and everything all the time.

9. They way you love your big brother. You really love him and he really loves you!

10. You love to sleep. You are an excellent sleeper. Again a boy after Momma's heart.

11. Your cheesy smile you make when you are being naughty. Unfortunately it does usually get you out of trouble.

12. The way we have all learned each other. The way that we fell in love with you. The way that we can't remember life without our Liam. The way you are and always will be our little brown bear.

Liam before the creation of the world you were our son. There is not one day of your life that went by that we weren't thinking and praying for you. You are so loved my sweet pea and we treasure you!